I found drug parafanillia in the apartment we share in Arizona. My name is on the lease his isnt, but we have lived together for about 3 years here. I want to kick him out with out turning him in to the cops.... (he will be his own demise sooner or later) How can I go about this? Can I just get my keys (or change the locks) and place his property outside or take it to a friends house?
I want to kick my bf out, how can I go about it without getting the law involved right away?
The thing is while his name isn't on the lease he is a tenant because you let him live there. You may not be able to just %26quot;kick him out%26quot; because he is settled there (gets mail there etc). If you change the locks you may find that he could call the police and they may tell you that you are to let him back in. You may be required to give him a 30 day written notice.
You can call the police and ask them what you're legal rights are (you don't need to mention the drugs just say that you've been having problems and you want him out).
Usually easiest and safest to move. It's a hassle I know but he can't follow you as easily. You could try nagging him, leaving leaflets around about getting help but that will just make him mad. An alternative method will be to say that you're leaving and make him believe that you're leaving (leave out rental appartment ads circled in red pen) so that he will start looking for alternative accomodation.
Be grateful you don't live in Australia. If you did you'd be classified under a %26quot;defacto relationship%26quot; and because you've lived together for more than 6 months he'd be entitled to half of your stuff.
I want to kick my bf out, how can I go about it without getting the law involved right away?
so you do already know the answer?
Thats getting him out.
Asking him to stay away will be another concern.
Have a talk with him, or write him out a letter that explains your posiiton, and end it then and there.
Let him know that youre trying to do him a favor by not going to the police, but that you will if he forces you to,.
Boom Bam!!!
finito
You can try it the polite way, but you may be putting yourself (and your kids or other family possibly) in danger. If you want him out tell him to get out - if he doesn't call the cops. Taking his stuff out and changing the locks sounds like a good idea too, but have the number for the police on the speed dial and have witnesses there the whole time!
say your pregnant
If your name is on the lease and his isn't you have an absolute right to kick him out. Whether he pays rent or contributes to the household income is not relevant if he is engaging in an illegal activity on your premises.
In the situation you describe you have a huge amount of risk by allowing him to stay there. Not only is there personal risk to yourself and your family, but if the police raid your place and your name is the only one on the lease, you may have some significant legal problems.
I would not be polite about it. I would call the police first and tell them what you found and tell them you are going to ask him to leave now, and that that may cause a domestic violence situation and they need to be present or stand by.
The question is this: you've been together for 3 years. What is your attachment to him and him to you? Will you need a restraining order to keep him away? Will he violate that order and try to get revenge?
Also, forgive me for asking, but you've been together for 3 years and this is the first you've learned of his drug habit?
well if your name is on the lease you can tell him to get out but you cannot do anything to his things just give him a time limit and he has to get out just give a letter and tell him and just so if he is a little nuts you should get the cops in on this becouse safty is a must but what ever you tell the cops it on you , you can just tell them you would like him to leave for personal reason you dont need to say much o and if he pay rent you have to give him a letter saying that he has 60 days to leave by law and if he is a treat or is doing drugs you can have him removed asap
It might be wise to attempt getting him some %26quot;help%26quot;. Also, try just talking to him about it instead of flying off the handle and throwing him out of the apartment.
As far as getting the police involved goes, I wouldn't try to get him in trouble for the drugs. You will just get stuck storing his stuff while he is in jail anyway. The criminal act isn't the issue; his betraying your trust is the issue. Talk to him and ask him to move out. If that doesn't work, get the police involved for the purpose of removing him from the property; not to narc him out for drugs. 3 years is nothing to sneeze at; you don't have to reduce yourself to betraying him just because he betrayed you.
Tell him he has to leave. Firmly and without question. Explain that you have no intention on jeopardizing your life for the choices he makes. Hope that he will do so, because he is shamed, if he hasn't gone beyond the level of shame yet. You might not want to just put his stuff out because I am not sure what state you live in but in some states regardless of whether he is on the lease or not he still has rights as a tenant if he has even one piece of mail coming there. These rights would require you to take him to court to have him evicted. You may not be doing him a favor by not introducing law enforcement, that may very well be the bottom for him and an impetuous for him to clean up his act. As you say he may reach that point sooner or later but imagine how you would feel if you didn't and then he died of an overdose or in a drug den or something. Not that any of this is your fault or will be your fault but I can't help but think that the more harsher consequences are put off the more of a cushion that is being created. Similar to enabling someone to not have to face the gravity of their actions. Just my .02 cents.
If he's an addict or abuser, the kindest thing you can do is get the law involved and help him hit his bottom. By covering up for him, you are only allowing him to continue detrimental behavior that may cost him his life. It's called Killing with Kindness, also known as enabling.
You need to kick his butt out NOW and do NOT feel sorry for him!!! Demand he leave, help him pack and to give you his keys.
You may have a problem getting him to leave, I dont know what this guy is like but if his drugs are in your house he may become a bit unhappy to know you are kicking him out over that. It may be advisable to have the police get involved just as a security measure. Let them know that you want him gone and you want to make sure he doenst become violent, if you are worried. They dont need to know any more than that. If this guy is no threat to you tell him you want him gone or you will call the cops and have him hooked up for drugs if he wants a reason.
If you told him to go an he does not the law will be more than glad to take the dope head off the street
tell him how much you love him and go and get your own appartment and tell him that if he does'nt change his ways and get help you see him again.
The first thing to do is ask him to leave voluntarily. If he refuses to leave, explain to him that you鈥檙e going to leave if he doesn鈥檛. Show him the options, he leaves and nothing happens, you leave and nothing happens, you get the sheriff involved and he鈥檚 evicted, or you go to the police and turn him in鈥?Most stubborn people will give in if you let them believe that they鈥檙e making their own choice. To confront a stubborn person with ultimatums has a definite possibility to stir up anger, rage, and retaliation. If he still refuses to leave voluntarily, you may want to contact your landlord.
I don鈥檛 know how the laws of lease work in your state, but in mine, most landlords will only hold you to your lease for the first year. After that, it鈥檚 on a month-to-month basis. Meaning, I鈥檝e lived here for more than a year so I need only tell my landlord that I鈥檓 leaving 30 days prior to the fact. Move out and leave him there for the landlord to deal with.
If you don鈥檛 want to involve the authorities in anyway, that鈥檚 the best thing to do. All things considered, it鈥檚 the easiest solution to a bad situation. I had similar problems with a girlfriend. I wanted her out and she wouldn鈥檛 go. When I went to the sheriff鈥檚 office to inquire about having her physically and immediately removed from my apartment, he told me the aforementioned story. I was stubborn and this was about principals! It was after all my name on the lease! I took the hard road and she retaliated by causing me all sorts of grief. In the end, I took the sheriff鈥檚 advice and moved.
