Ok I have been with my man for 5 years now.We have 2 kids together,and for the past 2 years he has been treating me very bad.He would make me cry on a daily basis and would leave me and the kids whenever he wanted to go out(sometimes for 3 days)! And I finally found out that he was seeing one of his ex lovers during these times he would leave us,but because I loved him so much I forgave him and took him back and still he just kept leaving us repeatedly almost on a weekly basis,and when he was finished he would call me crying and begging to come back.Well I promised my self that I would not tolerate any of his crap anymore after the new year if he didnt change then I was finished with him.And sure enough...one day after the new year he decided to leave again and not come back until the next day,but when he came back.... he came back to changed locks on the doors.Anyways,I recently met a really nice guy and he asked me out to dinner last night and I went.Well my ex has been calling me nonstop crying and begging to come back as usual,but he had no idea I was out on a date.Well I put my phone on silent,but some how when he was calling the %26quot;talk%26quot; button was accidently pushed and he was on the phone for 23 minutes and heard me with this guy just laughing and having a good time.Well when I checked my voicemail after the date It was full,and they were all from him,screaming and crying! I called him asking what his problem was and his dad told me he had to take him to the ER...because my ex couldnt breathe right and he was shaking so bad.I went to the ER and he looked like he was ready to die!well I guess it was because he heard me with this other man and just lost it. He never thought i would be able to move on,he always thought that I would just be waiting for him to come home like I always did,but I guess it was just too over whelming for him.Anyways,I need advice because he said that this was a wake up call for him and that he learned his lesson and he will never hurt me again.However,Im not too convinced and would hate to make the wrong decision again.So,does anyone think its possible that this could have %26quot;made him see the light%26quot;? Or should i just move forward and let him go?
Should I take him back or just move on?
I would say no but, dam, an ER trip is not so clear.
What I would do, just to be on the safe side - is to remain apart for a while.
As unclear as it is now, you will probably be able to answer this question yourself, if you give it some time for thought.
Only you know what's best. Take some time to figure it out.
And, congrats on the date. If you like him, don't stop seeing him. Remain open to all possibilities!
Should I take him back or just move on?
I'm so sorry you are in that position, but you should always trust your intuition. What does your gut tell you? Do you truly believe that he is being honest with you, can you honestly believe that he will never hurt you again. Food for thought if you do forgive him, believe me you will not forget. Will you be able to trust him when he is out, will you be checking his cell phone or snooping around in his e-mail accounts? Sometimes it is better to just move on, what is done is done.
Sadly, he's not worth it. You'll literally spend your life asking these questions. And one day, we'll turn on the TV and find you on %26quot;Snapped.%26quot; So, let him go. I know it's a painful thing to do. You will get over him and you will be happy. you have to love yourself and your 2 kids enough to put toxic people out of your life. This kind of man would teach your children all the wrong life lessons. Think about your self worth. You deserve better.
I did the ER trick (yes, trick) on my ex. Not like you could really trick the doctors, but I pushed myself into this kind of mental state almost on purpose. I felt outraged by what he did, so yeah, my breathing was kind of like that too and the rest of stuff. I also wanted him to feel really really bad by what he did to me. 51% true, 49% manipulation, I admit. mind you, I've done wrog by him too. I also wanted to see if there is any love in his eyes when he visits me. There was calm understanding but no love.
Well I'm not him, and he is not me. Your stuation may be completely different. But don't rule out the possibility of acting and manipulating.
forgive him and be on talking terms but NO u do not want to date or marry such a guy.
Well, you know him better than anyone. Do you think he's even capable of changing? If yes, give him one more chance. Just one. Otherwise, tell him he had his chance and he blew it.
You should also take your feelings into consideration, do you still love him?
The whole ER thing is kinda dramatic, don't you think?
If it were me, I'd give him one last chance. You've already shown him that you aren't afraid to let him go. Maybe he has woken up.
Don't take him back. What you describe isn't a natural reaction at all. He has issues that run far deeper than anything you can help him with. People break up all the time - ask him why his breakups make him turn into a sobbing wreck. No, there is something wrong here. My wife had an affair once and actually moved out, and I felt bad for about a week before I quit feeling sorry for myself. Screaming and crying won't cut it for you, will it? I bet not.
from what you have described he is a bit of a smuck! but you obviously love him.... I would not recommend you let him back so easily, make him work for your trust again! play hard to get...
I know that a man can change, espeially once we have lost what we take for granted... but he sure is used to you giving in to his lack of commitment....
I think you should wait to see the change, FIRST! And just allow him to spend time with your kids...
Let him go and move on with your life....
You don't need a yo-yo relationship.
Find someone who deserves you for who you are.
NO easy decision but I think for kids sake I would give him a chance BUT on strict conditions ( like job probation). I would not allow him to move back and tell him he has to live somewhere else until he starts to act like a Man. Then slowly monitor his progress as this is not good for you or the kids. Instability is terrible for kids. Some conditions he has to accept..etc you add more...
1. He has to Cut all contact with x-lovers
2. He has to be home daily with family and focus on you and the kids
..etc
You have to be firm through this and think of the impact on your children.
He's a child and you will never break this cycle with this guy . Do what you know is best for you . By the way i'm not buying the whole phone was accidental on bit hahaha. That was cold
ITS OVER NOW, HATE TO SAY IT.
1 HE CHEATED WHICH IS BAD YOU SHOULD HAVE ENDED THERE BUT WHAT WAS HE'S REASON FOR DOING THAT. THEY SAY IF THE DOG DOESNT EAT AT HOME HE WILL ROME THE NEIGHBORHOOD FOR FOOD.
2. TALKING TO ANOTHER MAN AND I DONT KNOW WHAT WAS SAID BUT IF IT WAS DISRESPECTFUL THATS MESSED UP TO AND HE THOUGHT HE COULD TRUST YOU, THATS WHY HE MIGHT BE UPSET EVEN IF YOU GUYS WERE JUST JOKING AROUND ITS STILL DISRESPECTFUL.
TALK ABOUT THINGS BUT I GUESS THERE IS A LACK OF RESPECT AND TRUTH IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, SO I SAY GO YOUR OWN WAYS
WTF??? Ummm...NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well for me, forgiveness is something you give someone who made a terrible mistake. not 4 million terrible mistakes. sorry honey. I don't think your zebra can change his stripes.
What happens with people like him is that when they get a shock like this they probably change like for a couple of months or so (longer than expected of course) but then they go back to their ways because that is the way they are and that is WHO HE IS. Certain things can be changed, but be certain the whole and the main %26quot;him%26quot; cannot and will not change. Besides, he didn't do it in years so I am sure he won't be able to do it permanently even if he thinks so now (he will just change his mind later down the road)..... don't keep fooling yourself, especially if you find someone else that is the way you want and the way you deserve...... oh and leave things CLEAR though, you can't cut him out completely and never will be able to because you 2 already have children together, however, make it clear that its over = its over for real. He can see the children, but do not let him take advantage of that to be an obstacle in your way to happiness, because he obviously will take advantage of it. So if you decide this be sure to tell him strong and clear that its over for good, which means forever. If you don't do that, he might not live there but he will still bring problems/worries and more; if I was you I would want to get rid of all that crap. A partner is supposed to give you happiness not UNhappiness and worries and crap like this.
%26quot; So,does anyone think its possible that this could have %26quot;made him see the light%26quot;? %26quot;
Short answer: sure he saw some light, but that light will not change who he already is. Though he might be %26quot;in shock%26quot; and wanting to prove himself that he is still %26quot;in control%26quot; by getting his wishes on silver plater once again. And of course this is natural for someone like this when they see what they think belongs to them does not.
You are your own boss and you decide what you want for yourself.
I guess women can be very emotional...... if this was me and a woman does some of this crap to me just once that's it..... and I am a nice guy, but when others are not nice to me things change on my side as well. He asked for it..... and you had to endure that for 2 years..... I mean his reaction isn't really as shocking as the fact you are thinking about coming back to this once again....... makes me wonder how the hell can some women love someone that clearly enough DOES NOT LOVE / TREAT THEM LIKE THEY DESERVE ...... yeah love love.... whatever if HE felt the same he wouldn't have done those things without much mercy, you didn't do those things to him I am sure about that....... clearly what I call a 1-sided relationship.
Well, good luck for you. I just hope you can take care of yourself and the children financially without any need of him money-wise. And my final opinion, what I think, it is simple: I don't think you can achieve real happiness with this guy, so if you want that I would think about it. And whatever your decision is don't let him manipulate you with his crying and crap...... I would make it clear that the father-sons relationship with the kids is there and will always be, but the one with you won't ever be again...... if this seems too hard then think again about all he did to you; I am sure those things weren't hard for him to do, so why would this be hard for you? Love? No, sounds more like masochism to me...... sorry but I am saying what I think....... It is about time both (you and him) get what each deserves, but the final decision is all yours don't let me decide for you either, this is just my honest opinion-based advice. Just be sure you think with a clear head, that is without emotions getting in the way of reason.
My sincere best wishes for you.
